You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
