Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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