I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
