I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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