can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
