Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
