Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
