Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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