So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
