I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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