I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
