he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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