i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
