I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
