So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The power of my boobs compel you
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
