if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
