I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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