i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
