yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
