Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
