Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
