I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They have beer where we have blood.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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