Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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