none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i think my mom watched the whole time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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