he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
