Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
