If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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