You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
