i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
