Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
