if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
