His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
