Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
