My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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