your room smells of hookers.
And success
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
