the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
