Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The Olympian is in my bed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
