Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
