I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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