Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
