Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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