I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
