tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
