Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
