my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
