ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
