booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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