I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
