In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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