bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
