Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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