I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
