There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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