Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
