How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
