Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
