I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
