bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
