Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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