Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
