he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
