he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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