Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
