So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
